Open Post: Dam-Funk Has Always Been Cooler Than You.

So, this "new" (the tracks were all made between the years 1988-1992) album came out a short while ago, and it is the only thing I want to listen to, ever. I already have been obsessing over Dam-Funk for some time now, but when I copped this at Reckless Records over Thanksgiving I pretty much stopped caring about anything else. Toeachizown is a flawless synth masterpiece, but this record, Adolescent Funk, is truly special because he made it while most of his peers were gang banging, drug selling and jerking off.

When I think back to my high school years, I remember getting high and listening to MF Doom and failing trigonometry. But Dam was killing it and making bedroom funk synth symphonies in his actual bedroom. I mean, fuck. It's not like I have ever tried or wanted to play a Casio SK-1, but still. I listen to this record and I think, "I was never, and will never be this cool. Deal with it." Just look at the cover photo: Jesus. Why wasn't he my high school boyfriend? Whoever that adorable piece in the cut out black dress and patterned nylons is knows what I'm talking about. She's looking at the camera like, yeah, we're in love. And yeah, we will have amazing 16 year-old sex to the sounds of Mtume and Kleeer. And yes, I will be keeping these hoops on. What a dreamboat.

All 14 tracks on this album are contagiously slinky and amazing, but my favorite is Side D which contains the kiss off "I Don't Love U" and the insanely repeatable "Attitude," a warning to any and all moody ladies out there. Dam does NOT think that shit is cute and he will ignore your pages. Young Dam is an introspective lover, a gentle genius who just wants to love you and treat you right, all night, but has no problem breaking hearts if need be ("I Don't Want U" and the love triangle jam "When I'm With U I Think Of Her"). All he asks is that you chill out on the drama and wear those tight spandex pants ("I Like Your Big Azz (Girl)"). Totally reasonable, I think.

The outro at the end of the album is my favorite end to this funk odyssey: a young heartbroken lady (perhaps one of the ones from the front or back cover art? There are several hot young things from Dam's seminal high school days featured, including the star of the show in the aforementioned backless number) apologizes for her nasty sass and admits that not only was she in the wrong, but that she deserved to be dumped and will use this experience in her future relationships. She also hopes they can still be friends. And loves him very much. I don't care if that message is genuinely from a resident of Dam's Heartbreak Hotel or is just his cousin doing the recording for him as a favor for $5 and a bag of Cheetos, it is the best use of an answering machine since the intro on Biggie's "One More Chance."

Peanut Butter Wolf put this gem together after listening to some of Dam's work from his formative years. He originally intended to release a couple 7-inches, but after his wife cried while listening to "It's My Life!" (really) he decided it all was too good to choose just two tracks. Dam told him to pick the songs, the artwork, (that must have been just as hard as picking the song selection, actually) and that he didn't want to see the project until it was complete. And here we are. Dam-Funk, to quote your exquisite poetry, "I Wanna Thank You for (Steppin Into My Life)."