STANK YOU, SMELLY MUCH

GOOD MORNING TO US ALL!

Rembert Browne, you are a god. Waking up to this was like, all the Christmases I have ever experienced, the few Chanukahs where I got something cool, and that one time that I hugged Donnell Rawlings on the street in the Lower East Side. No, wait. Scratch all that. The way I feel right now is the way that Howard Carter felt when he found King Tut's tomb: GOLDMINE!

All goofs aside. This was one of the more inspiring and thought provoking pieces of music writing I have ever had the privilege of reading. I hope he submitted this for next year's Best Music Writing Series, IT'S IN THE BAG.

TDOS urges you. Nay, BEGS you, to read this fantastic gem of Stankified genius in its entirety. Fuck March Madness. This is the kind of bracket that I can get behind. Side note: I want to marry you.

Forest For The Trees.

So. This started out as my usual waking up at 12:40pm to my cousin/roommate making me eggs and a warmed up chocolate croissant while I YouTube Aaliyah music videos Sunday afternoon slothing, but quickly turned into me searching for my favorite videos that take place in the woods. (I don't know either, just go with it.) As you may or may not know, I recently did a post about my top roller skating vids and now I am kind of inspired to continue to delve deep into the recesses of my mind/the World Wide Web to continue to bring you some of the best of the best xy and z themed vidjahs. Let's get started!

From the jump, babygirl usually preferred the ill Mad Max vibe. Biker chains, leather, eye patches, cages, post Apocalyptic settings...but in "4 Page Letter" she flipped her "California Love" game on its head and added a vegetative level. Part secret night club (it's called Redemption), part Sherwood forest outpost, part Lord of the Flies, this video is all kinds of dark, wooded futuristic fantasy. That ring of fire seduction dance? Ay yi yiiiiiiii.



Next up. Deborah Cox. The first time I saw this video on the Box, I was like, wait, HOW DID HE GET HERE? She's in some remote postbellum bayou house chilling with her girl all sad and alone and then BAM dude shows up with his biker crew all like, what? We always hang out on this dusty secluded forest road in tight tanks. The backdrop is all weeping willows, verandas, dirt roads, charmingly quaint black folks, misty lush greenery, abandoned one room churches and creaky shacks and even at the age of 12, I was like, hmmm, whoever did the treatment for this is romanticizing a certain something that maybe they shouldn't be...Apparently she's Canadian. She didn't know any better.



Speaking of Canucks, here we have Nelly Furtado (remember when she was the truth?) and the first half of "Turn Off The Light." Mud, spooky trees, creeping dancers and a DJ cutting in the brush. The video then takes a few different artistic paths (all of which I'm kind of into, even if they make no cohesive sense) but up until about the 1:37 mark it's straight up fabulous forestry.



Helen Folasade Adu. No one, and I mean no one, can pull off wooded nymph like this woman. Can you even fathom being lost in the woods (both theoretically and literally) and coming across this vision of beauty and salvation? No, you can't. Don't bother answering. From Wikipedia:

A nymph in Greek mythology is a female minor nature deity typically associated with a particular location or landform. Different from gods, nymphs are generally regarded as divine spirits who animate nature, and are usually depicted as beautiful, young nubile maidens who love to dance and sing; their amorous freedom sets them apart from the restricted and chaste wives and daughters of the Greek polis. They dwell in mountains and groves, by springs and rivers, and also in trees and in valleys and cool grottoes.

NAILED IT.



Jumping to the other end of the classy spectrum, we have Jenny From the Block I Would Never Like to Live On. Technically, this takes place in a jungle, but that is just another form of forest so it totally counts and besides, this is one of the most epic pre-millennium videos of all time. GOOD LORD DOES THAT PARTY LOOK LIKE FUN. I think we all can agree, we would have much rather been watching the countdown with La Lopez, under the glow of green lasers surrounded by shimmering dewy rain forest babes (her homegirls, duh) at her (idea of an) Amazon rave. Instead I was in my friend's basement drinking sparkling cider watching MTV secretly hoping that the world didn't end because I was only 13 and HAD SO MUCH LIVING TO DO.

I must say though: a French mani is NOT tropical chic, Jen.



OK, so technically this isn't a classic wooded setting per se, but it is an abandoned and overgrown with vegetation mental institution/kingdom/disco and that's good enough for my purposes so honorable mention for Missy Elliott! (Disabling issue, my b)

I would include MGMT's "Electric Feel" and Crazy Town's "Butterfly" but they both are basically the same thing to me so I won't.

Roll Bounce: Celebrating the Greatest Roller Skating Vids

Today is the kind of day that needs this. Now, I have only roller skated a handful of times myself (R.I.P. Rainbo Roller Rink!) but if I had my druthers, this would be my preferred method of wheel based entertainment. Don't get it twisted though: I do NOT condone roller blading. That is just goofy. I'm talking cruising around a rink with your homies while disco and R&B blares and fools have roller skate dance offs and you try not to clutch the side of the rink too much because your crush is totally there but being a cool guy and like, not skating just hanging out by the arcade leaning on the Hoop Fever game all Catalano like and you are just like OMG THEY ARE PLAYING DRU HILL WHY WON'T YOU HOLD MY HAND AND GLIDE INTO PARADISE WITH ME?

Yeah, I saw Roll Bounce in the theaters.

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